I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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