mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
