Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
