I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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