tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
