Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
