Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
