dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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