she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
