wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
