You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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