Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
