Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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