I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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