i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
