You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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