he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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