New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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