I hope mine doesn't look like that
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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