I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
