new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Houston, we have a squirter
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
