bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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