I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
