How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
