Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
