I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
