it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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