I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
