I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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