I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
