I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
