I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
