im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
