So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
