i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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