Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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