Dude my mom stole all your condoms
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
