This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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