Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Randomize