"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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