porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
