You made me cry and you don't even care
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
