You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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