Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
