You're my little dorito
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
