anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
