I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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