Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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