yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
