ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
