Don't make out with my wife yet
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
