It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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