you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
