you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
