u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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