Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
