Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize