Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
