im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
