uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
