Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
