Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She bit a glass in half.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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